Anger is a feeling that is defined by hostility toward someone or something that you believe has intentionally wronged you. Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems.

Typically, we experience a primary emotion like fear, loss, or sadness first. Because these emotions create feelings of vulnerability and loss of control, they make us uncomfortable. One way of attempting to deal with these feelings is by subconsciously shifting into anger.

So here what is an emotion?
A natural mental reaction such as love, hate, joy, or sorrow is an emotion.

Emotions always involve mental activity and sometimes have physical effects on the body, as in she could tell what emotion he was feeling by looking at his face.

The word emotion is used generally to refer collectively to these intense feelings or an expression of them. What causes someone’s emotions and how someone feels or expresses their emotions differs from person to person. You and your friend might both feel sad to have failed an important test. Your reaction to your sad emotion might be to cry, while your friend’s reaction might be to shout. The word emotional describes something that is related to emotions, causing an emotion to happen, or easily experiencing emotions.

Example: I have a hard time sharing my emotions with people and instead try to appear stoic.

There are three kinds of problems generated by our behavior towards others.

1. Our behavior causes or creates problems for others( eg: stealing from someone)
2. Our behavior causes problems for us.
3. Our behavior causes problems for others and us.

Anger is an example of this. We get upset at ourselves when we are angry and people around us might also be affected by this. The energy that we share when we are angry might be transmitted to near ones resulting them to be angry as well.

There is a common misunderstanding about anger. We blame others when we get angry. 

We often say other people are the cause, my anger is the result but this may not be true in most of the cases. Anger is inside all of us.

Here is an illustration utilizing the metaphors of a well and a bucket to help you better understand why we get angry: the outside world is like a bucket, and we are like a well.
When you put a bucket in a well, whatever is in the well comes out. Therefore, if you are upset on the inside, the situation will make you angry on the outside. Since we cannot control everyone else’s behavior, thoughts and actions, we must control our own response (anger) to them. This is one way to deal with the anger that we express towards others.

The normal state of the body is to be at peace. We are angry only occasionally, hence it can be considered a habit rather than a state of body. Another interesting thing is that you need company in order to be angry but solitude is enough to be at peace.

LET’S LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT ANGER IS?

There are two kinds of anger – active and passive.

Active anger is when something happens (a glass breaks) and you are angry at the person who breaks it. But your anger calms down soon after. A person can be good at heart and blunt, and get angry often. That’s okay as long as you don’t hold grudges. This phenomenon is referred to as active anger.

Passive anger is more dangerous. The individuals with passive anger are cool on the outside but very searing inside. They have anger, hatred, jealousy, and feelings of revenge inside them.

CAUSES OF ANGER :

BEING OVERACTIVE
You have too much going on at once if this is the case.

You have overbooked and overscheduled yourself and your family.You end up being extremely time concerned as a result. You become impatient and agitated at every delay.

EGO

If anyone says anything negative to you, your ego is hurt. You can’t take any criticism, and you want to strike back on the offender. This feeling of getting even with others and returning what they gave us cause increase in anger.

EXPECTATIONS
If you keep expectations and they are not fulfilled, you get angry. We must accept the fact that all of us have weaknesses. Accept the weaknesses of others and adjust to them. If you don’t, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment, which in turn will lead to anger.

A NEGATIVE APPROACH
It is often said – What you think is what you are. You become what you think. Your thoughts make you. What you think will happen, will probably happen. That’s why it is necessary for us to keep our thoughts clean and positive. Take a positive approach if something bad happens. For example, if you are making dal, and the salt is too little, don’t say “Oh No! There is less salt!” Instead say “Salt was just fine, dal became a little more.”

Now that you know the causes of anger, try to understand what are the triggers your anger and then try to control your anger by either avoiding or reducing those triggers. This doesn’t mean you can never be angry. When you discipline someone, you are making the conscious choice to be angry. This is controlled anger. However, just getting angry at small things, being irritable all the time is uncontrolled anger and this is not good.

Anger can outburst when we constantly dealing with adverse stressful situations. It might come out simply by interaction with people around us. It’s easy to be calm when we are alone in the Himalayas but it is difficult to do so when you have human interaction which might trigger the emotion of anger in you. Despite all these everyday triggers of life, the key is to stay calm in adverse circumstances while living among people. Just like a piece of glass gets hot in the sun but a diamond doesn’t, in the same way if you get angry in adverse conditions, you are glass and if you stay calm you are a diamond. It is all on you, what you want to become.

Always remember, if someone else makes a mistake it is not necessary for you to be angry because that person will suffer the consequences of his action and if you make the mistake you certainly have NO RIGHT to be angry.

HOW TO CONTROL ANGER

1. Introspection – Think about your day.
   Reflect – if you were angry, was it active or passive,
   Deep Breathing – practice this to control your anger.
   
   
2. Stay silent – This is probably hard for some, but try to fix a time of a day for quiet reflection and don’t talk during that time period.
   
   
3. Don’t accept negative situations– Ignore them. Remember if you don’t accept someone’s anger, it still belongs to them.
   
   
4. Leave the negative situation – walk away. Remember you cannot change other people.
   
   
5. Count backwards –10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
   
   
6. Talk softly and slowly (Talk less too)- People who are hasty in nature, who talk fast and walk fast and work fast tend to be irritable and get angry easily.
   
   
7. Sit down or better lie down still when you get angry.

Lastly, have some EMPATHY – try to understand other’s perspectives and situations and what causes them to behave the way they behave.

Therapies for anger management
Therapy is an important part of an anger management and treatment plan. The overall goal of therapy is to help you learn strategies to help change your behaviors toward your triggers and manage anger in better ways when it comes up.

Therapy can also help you if you have a family member or other loved one whose anger issues are affecting you.

Anger can be a result of pent-up or unresolved issues over time, trauma, or even a symptom of seemingly unrelated issues like depression. Anger may be a symptom in some mental health conditions, including: anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, dissociative disorders such as from trauma, PTSD, sleep disorders and others.

Treatment can help if you’re struggling with anger management depending on the underlying cause and severity of your anger, a mental health professional may recommend specific therapies. Sometimes these are combined with medications.

Therapy can improve quality of life by improving symptoms. You may also benefit from improved interpersonal relationships and communication with those your anger might affect.

Anger management therapies for children and teens

While it’s normal for young children to have occasional temper tantrums and for teens to be irritable from time to time, frequent angry outbursts may indicate an underlying issue.

If you feel that your child has uncontrolled anger, talk to their pediatrician as a first step. Depending on the situation, they may recommend a mental health evaluation before referring you to a therapist.

For young children, parent management techniques (PMT) may help. PMT focuses on positive reinforcement by rewarding good behavior, rather than punishing children for angry outbursts.

Anger is a normal emotion in children and teens who might be experiencing life changes. If you’re the child in this situation and find yourself feeling angry and overwhelmed, speak to a trusted adult. This may be a parent, a teacher, or a school counselor.

What therapies work for anger?
Behavior therapy is a psychotherapy technique used in a variety of mental health treatment programs. It works by helping you recognize what triggers your anger and identifying how you normally respond to such triggers.

Then, with the help of a therapist, you learn new ways to respond to anger. This type of therapy may also be helpful in treating anger that’s caused by emotional trauma.

If you have a loved one with anger issues, CBT may also help you learn how to cope with these types of situations. In such cases, your therapist will guide you through healthy responses to another person’s anger.

Your therapist will help you identify personal goals and outcomes so you can gradually change your thoughts and behaviors — and stick with the changes.

Psychodynamic therapy
If you feel like your anger is taking over your life and affecting others around you, a therapist might recommend a technique called psychodynamic therapy.

This type of therapy is more focused on self-reflection. It works to reveal your unconscious motivations to alleviate inner tension. You may also learn how to express anger in ways that don’t affect your friends, family, and co-workers.

Group therapy
Chronic anger may affect your self-esteem and leave you feeling guilty and isolated. In such cases, group therapy can help. Led by a professional, these sessions allow for participants to get together on a regular basis, such as weekly or monthly.

The advantage of group therapy is that you’ll likely feel less alone throughout your treatment. It can also be helpful to hear about others’ coping strategies. Depending on your needs, some types of group therapies are family-based.

Group therapy is often a supplement to other types of therapy. You’ll likely need to see a therapist for individual sessions to gain the most benefits.

Play therapy
 A form of psychotherapy designed specifically for young children. During these sessions, a licensed therapist will use creative forms of play to help children express their feelings and thoughts. Play may include using puppets, sand boxes, art, music, and more. The goal of play therapy is to help children learn how to cope with challenges while also increasing self-esteem. In considering the treatment of anger, play therapy can help children navigate their emotions in a more constructive way.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a commonly-used, effective treatment for anger management.

CBT for anger targets thought patterns and behaviors associated with problematic anger management. Once these are identified, they can be replaced over time with realistic, productive responses to feeling angry.

These responses are achieved through exercises, such as reframing the way you think about a problem and how you respond to it. CBT can identify anger cues and triggers and implement practices and techniques to stop anger from escalating.

Variations on CBT may be used, such as:

• Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT): Combines cognitive therapy, meditation, and mindfulness.
  
  
• Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT): An action-oriented approach that addresses irrational beliefs and develops skills to manage emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in more productive, healthier ways.

Who Needs It?

Everyone can benefit from learning effective anger management strategies, but anger management treatment may be especially helpful for people who are highly affected by their anger.