Some of us are eagerly waiting  for February 14 so we may spend time with our partners and possibly spice things up. Others fear a commercialized holiday that would place too high demands on their relationships.

The standard is set quite high: Over 65% of respondents to an online survey with more than 2,000 participants said they intended to express love on Valentine’s Day.

” The caveat is, however, that if this special day stands in isolation, it will quickly become a distant memory and will do very little for a couples’ relationship long-term.”

As the pressure of romanticizing the day very much, people tend to have high expectations which may lead to many disappointments. 

Have you ever experienced intense disappointment when your significant other didn’t live up to your Valentine’s Day expectations? ? If so, you’re not alone. I’ve known a lot of ladies over the years, including many of us, who tried not to be bothered by a “stupid Hallmark holiday,” but when it really counted they were unable to control their feelings of disappointment. 

Many people even pick a fight and stew in “poor me’ feelings because they felt unloved or unappreciated on Valentine’s Day. And it’s not just women who suffer on this day. It breaks our heart to see the men, who traditionally bear the burden of trying to guess what might please their partners- and these dynamics apply to couples of all identities. The point here is that the roles we find ourselves in, either hoping for some specific treatment or feeling pressure to intuit our partners’ wishes, ends up being a cook up with an unnecessary recipe.  This holiday affects men as equally as women, or even more. The constant pressure to be typically responsible for attempting to determine what will please their partners. 

These dynamics apply to all types of relationships. The argument is that the roles we play—hoping for a certain outcome or feeling pressed to predict our partners’ desires—cook up a needless dish.

So to those who might end up cooking a needless dish due to the immense pressure of the day, here are some tips for enjoying February 14 whether you’re dating or not.

Make a plan

Although it might not seem so, talking about Valentine’s Day in advance can make the actual day much more romantic. And remember that the element of surprise isn’t the most important part of the day. Psychotherapist Rachel Needle suggested, “Don’t set your partner up to fail, and don’t keep aspirations and expectations to yourself.” Saying to your partner, ‘I would love to go for dinner,’ or ‘I would love sunflowers,’ for instance, doesn’t make them less wonderful when they bring you flowers or take you out to a special supper. Its okay to pre-plan your dates and have a great time with eachother without the constant pressure of having to give surprise.

Pay attention

Surprise can be a good thing. A little insight into your partner can go a long way by showing them you’ve listened to them. “Consider doing something your partner has told you in the past they wanted to do: a picnic, a walk on the beach, a certain new restaurant, buying a new book, creating an art, learning new habit.,” Needle said.

“It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money to be special, but rather it needs to be thoughtful.”

Love yourself

If you’re single, Valentine’s Day might seem like a holiday for everyone else. But you don’t have to feel left out if you’re not in a romantic relationship. Instead, take the opportunity to practice a little SELF-LOVE.

That could mean dining out with friends or even seeking out companionship. “If you’re single and wouldn’t mind meeting someone but setting up a date on Valentine’s Day feels too staged, Meetup is a fantastic option,” therapist Holly Richmond said. “Hundreds of Meetup groups plan special events and activities for Valentine’s Day, but they aren’t necessity geared toward singles coming together to meet other singles.”

Whether you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day or ignore it, remember that expressing love and affection for your partner shouldn’t be limited to one special day. Take the pressure off the holiday by celebrating your relationship every day.

 

 

Set your expectations beforehand 

Like with most things in relationships, open and honest communication is key: You’re not a mind reader and neither is your partner! If you want to keep it calm, love coach Emyrald Sinclaire suggests being straightforward by saying something like, “It’s not that important of a holiday to me, but I’d love to cook dinner or spend the day together.” By communicating your desires and expectations directly, you and your partner will know exactly what the other wants, which removes the pressure of trying to guess.

Another good pressure-relieving technique for your first (or one of your first) Valentine’s Days together is to ask your partner their thoughts on the holiday. “Is it important to you to celebrate? If so, how?” This allows for you to plan the day together and both get what you want, helping to reduce any stress or worry you may have around celebrating. 

Here psychologists suggest sometimes setting ground rules for discussing tender subjects like promising not to interrupt or making sure to take turns talking, mirroring back what one person says until they feel fully understood. The goal is to work together to first understand each other, and then to create a win-win plan for the holiday based in compromise.

Go against tradition

Just because the rest of the world is celebrating on the 14th, that doesn’t mean you have to. Online dating expert Julie Spira suggests celebrating the night before, the weekend before, or any other day, really. Scheduling it on your own time makes it more about your partner and less about an arbitrary date. Plus, the red-roses-and-heart-shaped-chocolates of it all will be less in your face, which will help ease the stress around the holiday. 

You also don’t have to celebrate at all, says Sinclaire. “If you’ve only recently started dating someone and having these types of conversations feels stressful, then I’d suggest you skip it.” This doesn’t make your relationship any less legitimate, but if celebrating is stressing you out more than not celebrating, ditching it altogether could relieve a lot of unnecessary tension.

Ultimately, you should remember that Valentine’s Day is not about what you do (or don’t do), but about who you’re with. “The most important thing is to make sure you spend time together,” says Spira. Just treat it like a block of 24 hours on the calendar where you get to hang out and do things you love, no pressure necessary. 

It is a much discussed day in our calendars: a day that we either love or to hate, solely depending on our relationship status. If you are in a relationship, close to this time of year, you are bombarded with questions about what plans you have made; what present you are buying your other half and whether you have planned any surprises for them, sexual or otherwise.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you are single, it can feel as if you are expected to curl up with a tub of ice-cream and indulge in a night of weeping about your own loneliness and watching Bridget Jones on repeat.

It is because of these expectations that Valentine’s Day can provoke anxiety for so many people. Those who are with someone begin to panic over what nice things they can do or get for their partner (or be seen to do and get) , and those who are single begin to dread the day they are expected to feel most pathetic for being ‘alone’. 

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

#valentinesday #anxiety #mentalhealthmatters #youmatter #itsokaynotobeokay 

#selflove #picsnepal #promptswithpics