The idea that people should keep a cheerful outlook no matter how dreadful or challenging their circumstances is known as toxic positivity. The manner of life is one of “only good vibrations.” While being an optimist and engaging in positive thinking has advantages, toxic positivity rejects difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful, often falsely positive, facade.

We are all aware of the favorable effects on one’s mental health of having an optimistic view on life. The issue is that life isn’t always sunny. We are all affected by painful emotions and experiences. Even though these emotions are frequently unpleasant, they are nonetheless important and need to be felt and dealt with in an open and honest way.

Toxic positivity takes positive thinking to an extremely wide level. Not only does this way of thinking emphasize the importance of optimism, but it also minimizes and rejects the existence of any unfavorable or uncomfortable emotions in humans.

Forms of toxic positivity

Toxic positivity can take many forms. Some examples you may have encountered in your own life: 

• Others may give you the advice to “just stay positive” or “look on the bright side” when a terrible thing happens, like losing your job.
  
  
• After a defeat, you’ll hear from others that “everything occurs for a reason.” Such words are typically used with the intention of soothing others, but they are also used to spare others from suffering.
  
  
• When you express disappointment or loss, someone will remark that “happiness is a choice”. This implies that if you are sad while not “choosing” to be miserable, it is your fault.
  
  
• The greatest of intentions are frequently behind these comments; people are only at a loss for words or ways to express compassion. The possibility that these reactions could be harmful must be understood, though.

At their best, such remarks seem like trite platitudes that get you off the hook and spare you from having to deal with other people’s feelings. At worst, these comments degrade and blame those who routinely deal with extremely trying situations.

Toxic positivism prevents people from receiving the real help they need to deal with their circumstances.

Toxic Positivity vs. Optimism

It is possible to be optimistic in the face of difficult experiences and challenges. But people going through trauma don’t need to be told to stay positive or feel that they are being judged for not maintaining a sunny outlook.

Why it’s harmful

Positive toxicity can be harmful to those who are experiencing adversity. People’s genuine human emotions are dismissed, ignored, or outright invalidated, rather than being able to share them and receive unconditional support.

It’s humiliating:
Someone in pain has to be aware that their feelings are valid and that their friends and family can be there for them with love and support. People are told that their emotions are inappropriate by toxic positivity.

It instills guilt:
It conveys the idea that if you can’t remain upbeat in the midst of tragedy, you’re not trying hard enough.

It avoids authentic human emotions:
Toxic positivity serves as an avoidance mechanism for genuine human emotion. Sometimes though, we internalize these false notions and turn them against ourselves. When we are experiencing painful emotions, we reject, disregard, or deny them.

It prevents growth:
Toxic positivity allows us to avoid feeling things that might be painful. But this denies us the ability to face challenging feelings that can ultimately lead to growth and deeper insight.

Signs

Although toxic positivity is frequently subtle, becoming familiar with the symptoms will help you see it more easily. Among the warning signs are:

• • Avoiding problems rather than confronting them.

• • Feeling guilty because you are sad, angry, or disappointed.

• • Hide your true emotions behind feel-good quotes that appear more socially acceptable.

• • Hiding or masking your true feelings.

• • Other people’s feelings are minimized because they make you uncomfortable.

• • Shaming others when they lack a positive attitude.

• Attempting to be stoic or “get over” difficult emotions.
  
  
  

• How to avoid toxic positivity?

If you’ve been affected by toxic positivity, or if you recognize this type of behavior in yourself, there are steps you can take to develop a more supportive, healthy approach.

Among the suggestions are:

• • Negative feelings should be controlled, not suppressed. Negative feelings, if unchecked, can stress you out but they can also give you valuable information that can help you make changes for the better in your life.

• • Regarding how you ought to feel, be honest with yourself. When faced with a difficult circumstance, it is normal to feel agitated, anxious, or even afraid. Do not overburden oneself with responsibility. Focus on taking care of yourself and improving your circumstances.

• • Pay attention to others and be supportive of them. Don’t use harmful clichés to silence someone who is trying to communicate a tough emotion. Instead, reassure them that you are willing to listen and that their feelings are normal.
    
    
    

    In conclusion, give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Allow yourself to feel difficult emotions rather than trying to avoid them. These emotions are genuine, valid, and significant. They can help you see features of a situation that you need to work on improving and supply information. So, when you’re going through a difficult time, consider ways to express your emotions in a productive way. Create a journal. Speak with a friend. According to research, simply putting what you are feeling into words can help reduce the intensity of those negative feelings.
    
    

    According to study, simply expressing how you are feeling can lessen how strong those unpleasant sentiments are.

    Examples of toxic statements and non-toxic alternatives include:

    Toxic Positivity  => Non-Toxic Acceptance & Validation

    “Don’t think about it, stay positive!”   =>  “Describe what you’re feeling, I’m listening.”
    “Don’t worry, be happy!”   =>   “I see that you’re really stressed, anything I can do?”
    “Failure is not an option.”  =>    “Failure is a part of growth and success.”
    “Everything will work out in the end.” =>  “This is really hard, I’m thinking of you.”
    “Positive vibes only!”   =>   “I’m here for you both good and bad.”
    “If I can do it, so can you!”=>  “Everyone’s story, abilities, limitations are different, and that’s okay”
    “Delete Negativity”  =>   “Suffering is a part of life, you are not alone.”
    “Look for the silver lining.”=>   “I see you. I’m here for you.”
    “Everything happens for a reason.” =>  “Sometimes we can draw the short straw in life. How can I support you during this hard time?”
    “It could be worse” =>” That suks. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
    
    How to cope with toxic positivity?

  • If someone you know has a tendency to respond to your negative feelings with statements that aren’t supportive or emotionally validating, ways to deal with a toxic positivity person include:

• • Be realistic about what you feel. When facing a difficult situation, it’s normal to feel stressed, worried, or even fearful. Don’t expect too much from yourself. Practice self-care and work on taking steps that can help improve your situation.
    
    

  • Look for meaning behind what you’re going through. “Tragic optimism,” or searching for the meaning behind difficult situations, is the opposite of toxic positivity and, according to some, is considered the antidote to this type of response.
    
    

  • Know that it’s okay to feel more than one thing. If you are facing a challenge, it’s possible to feel nervous about the future and, at the same time, hopeful that you will succeed. Your emotions can be as complex as the situation itself. 
    
    

  • Don’t be afraid to challenge the person being toxically positive. While challenging this type of response can be uncomfortable, confronting the person’s approach provides them the opportunity to grow. This can be especially helpful if facing toxic positivity at work, helping leaders evaluate the impact of their statements and actions.

• • Notice how you feel. Following “positive” social media accounts can sometimes serve as a source of inspiration but pay attention to how you feel after you view and interact with such content. If you are left with a sense of shame or guilt after seeing “uplifting” posts, it might be due to toxic positivity. In such cases, consider limiting your social media consumption.

• • Put your feelings into words. When going through something hard, think about ways to give voice to your emotions in a way that is productive. Write in a journal or talk to a friend. Research suggests that just putting what you are feeling into words can help lower the intensity of negative feelings.
    
    
    

    In the end, give yourself permission to feel your feelings. These feelings are real, valid, and important. They can also provide information and help you see things about a situation that you need to work to change.